beth's dreams

2009-11-18T20:54:00.002-09:00

here is the pumpkin i carved this year. just one, cause i ran out of money. lame-o! i looooove carving pumpkins. but the seeds! oh, the seeds! totally my favorite part of the whole thing.

rings

2009-11-18T20:48:00.002-09:00

here are two more of the rings i've made in metalsmithing. the clear stone is moonstone and the turquoise one is chrysacolla. i really like the chrysacolla one. the moonstone not so much. but i'm getting better! yay!

the long goodnight

2009-11-09T12:57:00.003-09:00

there is finally snow here on the ground. sticking. the long goodnight.

winter bums me out. it's soooo dark. and soooo cold.

winter comforts me. it's like a cocoon, wrapping me in stillness and reflection.

i took this photo in june of this year. it reminds me to hold on. just hold on. something beautiful will come out soon.

gidget

2009-10-28T04:45:00.002-08:00

here is gidget. i took this picture this summer, when she was really sick. she had fatty liver disease, and lost about eight to ten pounds. she's all fat and sassy again, now. just throws up once and awhile and then i give her her medicine.

gidget is my cat. but in her heart, she's mama's cat. she could really care less about me, but she sleeps with mama when she's given the chance. purrs for mama, but not for me. mama says gidget is mine. gidget says different.

imagine

2009-10-19T12:24:00.002-08:00

i love these button earrings. purpley goodness.

i've been skipping classes a lot. i've been having these terrible migraines--stress, maybe? i dunno. it's just annoying.

yesterday (sunday) i went up and worked in the pottery studio. morphed bowls. five of them. i'm not especially drawn to bowls. or maybe i'm feeling a bit annui-ish. rrrrrrrr. they had the radio on when i went in. it was on npr. i *hate* npr. talk talk talk talk talk. rrrrrrrr. music! i want music! i don't really care *what kind* of music it is, (except jazz--hate jazz) as long as it's music.

hmph. how grouchy i am! so sad.

we have flu brewing in our house. abigail threw up two nights ago, i've felt nauseous for days, and now becca is sick. it's not the swine thing, thank goodness. just some ordinary run off the mill flu stuff.

abigail still hasn't woken up and it's 12:30! poor little thing. becca's in bed, too, trying to sleep. she didn't get practically any last night. so it's just me and deborah. pretty soon i have to go to class, so i'll have to wake somebody up. maybe grammy.

cats. and birds.

2009-10-04T04:44:00.002-08:00

so okay. i *love* cats. i'll be the crazy old cat lady when i'm sixty. with a twist. i'll have birds, too. because i freakin' *love* birds.

is that not wierd?!?

these cat earrings are especially winsome with all the swirls.

bizarr-o random accurance two days ago. i was on campus after classes, waiting for my sister to come pick me up. i was standing in the little foyer of the art department, staring out at the little art department parking lot when random guy walks in and says, "hey, beautiful." like, eeewwww! so i slowly turn my head to give this guy a dirty look and see that he is on the phone. YAY! he asks his love for a ride and hurries out to the parking lot, head down, embarrassement oozing off of him. so, people on cell phones; watch what you say. you could accidently start a bar fight.

paintings

2009-09-30T13:46:00.004-08:00

here is the painting i'm working on in advanced painting. i'm pleased with the blue figure, except for her hair. i'm really not happy with the with the other figure's face. it's kinda creepy, ya know?

the next two pictures are done. i'm pleased with this brown haired woman's eyes. i'm really interested in peoples eyes, the most. there's just something special about them.

metalsmithing

2009-09-30T13:57:00.004-08:00

this brass piece is my first ever metalsmithing project. see all the mistakes?
the next copper piece is my second one, same assignment. i love this one. i hope to make a pin out of it.

the next assignment was twins; cut out two pieces at the same time (taped together). the deers are my first attempt. i just love them. the birds are my second. i'm pleased with them, but i got the hole in the wrong spot, though. the butt is too heavy, so they hang funny. lame-o! both of them are sterling silver.

metalsmithing

2009-09-29T06:03:00.003-08:00

here is my first ever ring! soooooo cool!!!! so, okay, there are *tons* of things wrong with this piece, but oh. my. god. i made it! i love how simple it is. the thing that went the most wrong with this piece was when i *melted* it. it's made of two bands; an inside one and an outside one. jack (my teacher) soldered the inner ring to show me how to do, 'cause i'd never soldered before. and i've always been terrified of it. eeek! open flame! so jack showed me how to do it, and told me i had to do the outside one. i can do this. i can do this! so there i was, freaked out, with my acetylene torch and my fluxed ring. heating it up. heating it up. putting the solder on. heating it up. heating it..... oh, crap! it's red! it's *slumping*! turn off torch. dump ring in water. crap, crap, crap. show jack, who says, that's not that bad. advanced student says, "sandpaper it out." yay! salvagadgeable. is that a word? dunno. anyway. so i sanded it till the cows came home. which, of course, *thinned* the metal. hmmmmm... put the two rings together. stretched the inside band. compressed the outside band. soldered them together, and because i was the first one to get done, jack soldered one side of it for me, with the whole class looking on. so i had to do the other side. i can do this. i can do this. so i prepared my solder and then becca comes and says jake had a funny episode where he couldn't see out of one of his eyes. so i left, to get a ride home so becca could take jake to the er. on the way home jake refused to go to the er. i'm getting pissed off 'cause i had to leave my work in the middle of it.... jake's okay. just the wierd, random blindness virus, right? anyway, i went back up over the weekend (before the horrible esperanza concert; see next post) and soldered that puppy. i wasn't as scared of it the second time. i accomplished it! yay, me! so i don't especially *like* to solder, but i can do it. hopefully next time without melting my silver.

arrrr

2009-09-29T05:24:00.003-08:00

i absolutely adore these buttons. don't know why. i'm not all that deep into piratey stuff. i'm not even the hugest fan of skulls, but for some bizarre reason these just do it for me. maybe it's the juxtaposition of the cuteness of a button and the hardcoreness of the skull and crossbones.

i got my ipod all set up!!!!! it's name is sweet pea. it's already almost full up and i haven't loaded my cd collection, yet. hmmm. who knew 8G could fill up that fast?

i dropped my history of world art and feel soooooo much better. i'm not overwhelmed anymore! yay! i'll be kind to myself, instead of hitting myself over the head saying, "i'm not good enough, smart enough, *whatever* enough."

went to a concert saturday night for my art appreciation class. esperanza spaulding. going into it, i had no idea what the music was going to be like. it turned out to be jazz. oh, my god, i *hate* jazz with the passion of a thousand suns. i find it to be cacophonous and basically meaningless. and she skatted. i *hate* skat. it gets on my nerves the way high pitched squealing noises get on most peoples' nerves. i am sooo hopelessly european, with my love of the melody line. melody, oh, how do i love thee! i'm not saying that jazz is bad music, i'm just saying i don't like it. not my cup of tea. i found esperanza to be annoying; the concert started *30* minutes late--diva, anyone? the three other members of her group came out first, started playing, and then she sailed out. and she sang her intro. diva, anyone? anyone? her voice was strident and i couldn't understand half of what she was saying. urgh. all that aside, she is obviously a talented artist. i just happen to hate her work. sorry, esperanza. so i walked out. i just couldn't take another minute of her nails-on-the-chalkboard music. music? i use that term loosely, here.

button earrings

2009-09-27T10:07:00.004-08:00

love, love, love these. i started making button earrings awhile back. looked at some buttons and thought, "hey, those would make awesome earrings." so i figured out how to wire them up, added some japanese drops, and called them good. then i bought a book about using buttons in jewelry ('cause i *love* buttons) and there was my idea! almost exactly like how i did it. is that not bizarre-o? still feel smart for figuring it out on my own, though.

nene

2009-09-18T10:14:00.002-08:00

here is my precious nene, peeking at becca, who's taking the picture. that's me sitting there with no hair. i cut it all off for the summer.

classes are going strong. i've got so much work! and it's not the studio classes (painting, ceramics, and metalsmithing) that are the problem. it's my stupid art history. the professor seems to think her class is the only class we're taking. argh! i'm already behind.... i can do this! i can, i can, i can.

just a bit overwhelmed

2009-09-14T06:26:00.002-08:00

here is a small sampling of my necklaces. i really like all of these. the bird's nest has a story behind it; i've been making them and stringing them on bluish-green beaded strands. like amazonite. but then this one woman asked me to make one on a cord, because she liked the pendant, but not the beads. did she come back? hell, no! i should probably just string the thing on amazonite or such.

anyway.

classes are underway and i'm feeling a bit overwhelmed. so much work! i miss sitting in my chair with no pressure.

god, please give me strength to do this task set before me. i want to succeed! i just can't do this by myself.

lame

2009-09-09T06:47:00.002-08:00

becca says these trees look disturbingly sentient, like the trees from lord of the rings. not that ents are disturbing.

anyway.

yesterday was kinda lame. in painting, all i could think about was how it's been like, four years since i painted and how i don't know how to paint anymore. the day started lame with mom driving off after dropping me off on campus. i opened the trunk to get all my stuff for painting, started to take in the first load. and she drove off.

with the trunk gate wide open.

um. mom? mama!

lame.

and then my tummy was so hungry it hurt. i ate breakfast! i swear. on tuesday and thursday i have painting from 11:30 to 2 and metalsmithing from 2 to 4:30. somehow i forgot i have to eat lunch. so i asked my painting instructor (mike) if i could eat in class, which kes (my painting professor when i was in school before) totally did not have a problem with. mike has a problem with it. oh, man. lame.

in metalsmithing jack talked about files, sandpaper and polishing. i finished my first piece! and man is it lame. i'll have to get a picture of it up here. maybe i'll turn it into a pin and hang it on the wall so i can have proof of getting better. because i *will* get better. in polishing i got the white diamond compound all over my fingernails. lame. jack said this will just be how our fingers look from now on. lame-o.

but today will be better. i hope. i woke up at four and decided to stay up. worked on drawing for the next assignment in metalsmithing. after i'm done posting, i'll read the rest of my homework for art history. and at 9:30, becca and i will go get our tent, tables, and other stuff from farmer's market since we can't set up today. we thought about trying to, but then becca remembered abigail has a well-child checkup this morning. and i can't be sure i'll be out of ceramics in time to relieved becca to go pick up deborah at 3:30. so no more wednesday markets. lame!

sunny

2009-09-06T15:23:00.001-08:00

here's the little crochet hat i designed. i've made about six of them. this is the one i've got on the table right now. it's so bright and cheerful.

new technology!

2009-09-06T15:09:00.003-08:00

i got my loan check last week and got down to some serious shopping for the upcoming semester. will be visiting prospector's for cold weather gear; hello carharts! and long johns. and heavy socks. i get sooooooo freaking cold with my thyroid out of whack that i'm worried about tromping all over campus once winter hits. i mean, i get cold enough just sitting at home.

anyway. i also bought a digital camera; a canon powershot A480. loooooove it.

and an ipod.

which i can't use. because my freaking laptop refuses to link to the internet so i can download itunes. because i have a pc. not an apple. *why* does apple have the coolest gear that won't play nice with the rest of the world?!?

it's a sexy little ipod, too. a purple nano. i swear to god i'm *not* taking the thing back to the store to get a lame little silver pc compatible mp3 player.

next semester i'm getting photoshop. can't hardly wait!

soon

2009-09-02T02:00:00.003-08:00

classes start on thursday--i'm so excited and so nervous! i haven't been able to get to sleep the past three nights, i'm so unsettled. i probably won't sleep at all tomorrow night. why isn't my sleep medication knocking me out like it's supposed to do? rrrrr

self portait

2009-08-20T01:33:00.002-08:00

here's another self portrait i did awhile back. the colors disturb now, looking back. what was i thinking? green? i'm okay with the red and oranges. that blue ground in the back is rather nice... but *green*?!? yikes. my chin is looking a bit nubular, wouldn't you say? and what is that thing on my eye? speaking of eyes, i love how these turned out.

i was wearing overalls, lying on my belly in front of my floor length mirror--what a happy composition! i like the set up. also love how the necklace is kind of the secondary focal spot, after the eyes.

done in pastels

fall

2009-08-20T01:19:00.002-08:00

it's sideways. i know. i'm desperate, you see.

i managed to delete my entire file of pictures that i've been sharing. bum. mer. so i've been scrounging around for stuff to upload. i think this is why i've been so lax lately about posting. no picture, no post, right? grrrrrr....

so it's definitely fall up here in the great north. birds flying in formation. turncoats. rain. leaves turning. people asking us at farmers market when's the last day we'll be open. wearing long johns to market! long johns, i tell you. it's ridiculous. where did my lovely summer go?

i've been crocheting up a storm. i've got like five projects in the works and so many plans! i'm afraid i won't be able to do much with it after classes start. my favorite project is a granny square skirt--i need sixty squares. i've got 25 done so far. i'm not yet sick of the whole thing, which is a good thing.

the other life

2009-08-10T09:38:00.002-08:00

i'm an australian in some deep way. the other life i could've had.

the thing is this; my parents were given a choice. alaska or australia. these opportunities were available to them after we lived in california. i was going into fourth grade, so becca and i weren't really told about the options at the time. i found out later i could've been an australian. mom was more inclined to go to australia, but we all would've had to give up our american citizenship and she wasn't too hip on that, so off to alaska we lumbered. and here i am. alaskan to the core.

but australia... it certainly is a tempting thought. who would i be if we had moved there? surely more active... skinnier? tanner? i understand that there is a bit more sexism there, as in women haven't got the same opportunities as they do in america. maybe that's false info. i don't know. i've never been, so i really can't say. i'm not even sure *where* in australia we would've gone... considering dad was a botanist/forester we probably would've lived in the bush. so we would've moved to a rather insular community that maybe didn't like newcomers. not much different than the tiny eskimo community we moved to here in alaska. maybe i would've turned out exactly the same... nature v.s. nurture, right?

the romance of another life... with no mistakes in it. *that's* what's tempting about it, really.

mnemosyne (pronounced nee-moss-y-nee)

2009-08-06T13:35:00.003-08:00

here is my beautiful nene. she weighs six pounds and is afraid of *everything*. she's nine years old, but acts like a kitten. i absolutely adore her. i've had four other kitties but none have been *mine* the way she is.

this is my one hundreth post! yay! so pleased with myself for keeping at it.

i got my loan notice in the mail yesterday; got it! so i'm definitely going to school! yay!!!!!! i'm so excited. totally looking forward to metalsmithing, painting, ceramics. not quite as siced about history of art, and totally dreading interrelations of music, art, and theatre. that one's a core class i've tried to take four times. sooooooo bad at doing things i dislike. naughty bethiboo.

off with you, then

2009-08-02T19:01:00.002-08:00

they've gone and left us.

well, only for three days.

becca, jake, and the girls have driven to denali for a camp out. i'm so jealous... but they'll be freezing their arses off while i'm in my nice cozy warm bed.

the one time i camped at denali, it rained all night. the ground was so cold i kept having to turn over to let that side of my body warm up in the air. i was not prepared for the cold. so. they go prepared with the knowledge that it's freaking cold down there.

they also have to drive through the fire; it's not actually near the road, but it *is* near nenena, which they have to drive through to get to the park. i'm gonna pray really hard that they get to see animals while they're there. the girls have seen moose, reindeer, musk ox, but no bears or caribou. keeping my fingers crossed.

i already miss them.

my pretty little flower scarf

2009-07-17T19:25:00.002-08:00

i crocheted this little scarf/necklace yesterday and today. first i made the flowers using nicki epsteins 'crochet flowers'. the leaves came from the same book. i'd publish the pattern here, but i think i'd get in trouble with the publishers. i put the pieces together four times before i got it just right. i'm really pleased with how this came out. it only took a couple hours to make, so i'm thinking about making a couple more to see if they'd sell. i'd make one for becca, but i don't think she'd wear it. not really her style.

i'm really enjoying crochet and am glad i went ahead and taught myself.

three days ago i made this giant snowflake shrug. the pattern is on crochetme.com. great site, by the way. i got to row 12 and couldn't figure out the directions--it's an advanced pattern and i'm really still just a beginner. i've only been crocheting for about five months. so i kind of made up the last few rows. stupid, i know. anyway, it came out looking good until i put it on. oops. not so good. so i'm going to make another one and take the directions to my local yarn shop and see if they can help me out. if not, i'm betting they'll know someone who can.

my mama is home! yay! the girls keep making her little presents and giving her long hugs. they refused to go to sleep last night until becca promised them grammy would go in and wake them when she got here, which wasn't until two in the morning. they've really, really missed her these few weeks she's been gone. actually, i think it's been a whole month. wow. at the end of june, she'll fly down to anchorage to get the battery replaced in her pacemaker. but she'll only be gone for two or three days. hopefully valette will be able to swing by the hospital to see her. ooooh, that makes me jealous. lot of that going around.

mama had so many stories to tell us that becca and she and i stayed up till after three talking. and boy, did i sleep in this morning. naughty me. mostly it was about the memorial service and renee and denise and andrea and aunt cary and all their kids. sooooo jealous. mama got to go to a dollar store in portland, so she came home bearing sweet little gifts. butterfly stickers and cards, a turquoise fish windchime for me, coloring books for the girls, spices, and silly snacks we can't get up here. fun stuff.

family

2009-07-16T16:35:00.004-08:00

i like how this one turned out, except for the lines next to her mouth. to dark.

mama comes home tonight! i'm so excited. she's been in oregon for her sister's memorial service. she got to spend a couple weeks with her brother. they are the last two of the five. and then she spent a day in portland with one of my cousins. i'm so jealous! i'm sooo miss these cousins, and i haven't seen them in about twelve years. their family is dear to me, and mama got to see andrea, denise, and renee at the memorial service for aunt corine, plus their mom, aunt cary, who is my mama's cousin. we just call her aunt cary because it's easier and more fitting to designate her as our aunt. mama got to meet most of their kids, too. sooooo jealous.

peonies

2009-07-14T08:51:00.003-08:00

i wrote little words all over this one. you can't really read them with this photo. stuff like memories and barrette... i like it.

i bought peonies at the farmers market last week. so beautiful! and they smelled like heaven. oh, do i love flowers. i carried them around with me until becca told me the girls were gonna knock them over. aren't i silly?

my best friend, valette, sent me the sweetest present in the mail--a beautiful multi-colored sketch book for my art classes in the fall. i'm a little afraid to use it, it's so beautiful, but i also can't wait. maybe i'll draw a picture of nene just to get me started.

have i told the story of nene's name? i don't think so. it's pronounce neenee. and her full name is mnemosyne, prounounced nee-moss-uh-nee. she's named after the greek goddess of memory, in rememberance of cassandra and baby. cassandra was the kitten becca and i got with persephone (pronounced purr-sef-uh-nee) when we lived in texas. cassie lived about three months. she was born without an immune system. we were heart broken. and baby was the tiny kitten we came upon one late, late night driving home from a party when we lived in texas. we drove past her trying to climb back up on the curb and turned around to help her up. becca placed her on the ground and i ran over and immediately picked her up. she was breathing hard, shaking. we talked and finally decided that all we could do was put her down and leave--we lived in the seminary dorms at the time and couldn't have pets. so i put her down. and she just laid there. finally i bent down to pick her up again. and she tried to run. but her little back had been broken by a passing car and her back feet dragged. by this time her mama was pacing in the distance, staring at us and her tiny baby. we decided to take her with us and call a vet and try to help her. so we apoligized to her mama and drove to the dorm. becca drove and i held baby. back at the dorm, she went upstairs to call a vet and i stayed in the lobby with baby (couldn't take her upstairs). i got paper towels to wrap her in to try to keep her warm--she was shaking, in shock. and held and talked to her. i don't remember what i said, nonsense probably. the security guard was totally sympathetic and said how glad he was that we had found her... becca was gone for about twenty minutes. finally she came down and said none of the vets would see her without at least a 100 dollar deposit. we were dead poor. but the animal shelter would put her to sleep for free. oh, dear god. we were heart broken. we wanted to save her! then becca went on to say that none of the vets thought she'd make it... so after much talk and prayer we decided to put her to sleep. by this time i knew she had fleas... and i'd fallen in love with her. so we called the shelter again and arranged to meet someone there. all this to say that nene is my reminder of two beautiful kittens, two kittens i loved with all my heart. she is the perfect reminder of these two dear ones, because i absolutely adore her. and i know baby and cassie are waiting in heaven for me, so i can be with them forever.

thank you, god, for the time i had with all the cats i've had. thank you for entrusting me with them. help me be a better steward of the treasures you give to me.