self portait

here's another self portrait i did awhile back. the colors disturb now, looking back. what was i thinking? green? i'm okay with the red and oranges. that blue ground in the back is rather nice... but *green*?!? yikes. my chin is looking a bit nubular, wouldn't you say? and what is that thing on my eye? speaking of eyes, i love how these turned out.

i was wearing overalls, lying on my belly in front of my floor length mirror--what a happy composition! i like the set up. also love how the necklace is kind of the secondary focal spot, after the eyes.

done in pastels

family

i like how this one turned out, except for the lines next to her mouth. to dark.

mama comes home tonight! i'm so excited. she's been in oregon for her sister's memorial service. she got to spend a couple weeks with her brother. they are the last two of the five. and then she spent a day in portland with one of my cousins. i'm so jealous! i'm sooo miss these cousins, and i haven't seen them in about twelve years. their family is dear to me, and mama got to see andrea, denise, and renee at the memorial service for aunt corine, plus their mom, aunt cary, who is my mama's cousin. we just call her aunt cary because it's easier and more fitting to designate her as our aunt. mama got to meet most of their kids, too. sooooo jealous.

peonies

i wrote little words all over this one. you can't really read them with this photo. stuff like memories and barrette... i like it.

i bought peonies at the farmers market last week. so beautiful! and they smelled like heaven. oh, do i love flowers. i carried them around with me until becca told me the girls were gonna knock them over. aren't i silly?

my best friend, valette, sent me the sweetest present in the mail--a beautiful multi-colored sketch book for my art classes in the fall. i'm a little afraid to use it, it's so beautiful, but i also can't wait. maybe i'll draw a picture of nene just to get me started.

have i told the story of nene's name? i don't think so. it's pronounce neenee. and her full name is mnemosyne, prounounced nee-moss-uh-nee. she's named after the greek goddess of memory, in rememberance of cassandra and baby. cassandra was the kitten becca and i got with persephone (pronounced purr-sef-uh-nee) when we lived in texas. cassie lived about three months. she was born without an immune system. we were heart broken. and baby was the tiny kitten we came upon one late, late night driving home from a party when we lived in texas. we drove past her trying to climb back up on the curb and turned around to help her up. becca placed her on the ground and i ran over and immediately picked her up. she was breathing hard, shaking. we talked and finally decided that all we could do was put her down and leave--we lived in the seminary dorms at the time and couldn't have pets. so i put her down. and she just laid there. finally i bent down to pick her up again. and she tried to run. but her little back had been broken by a passing car and her back feet dragged. by this time her mama was pacing in the distance, staring at us and her tiny baby. we decided to take her with us and call a vet and try to help her. so we apoligized to her mama and drove to the dorm. becca drove and i held baby. back at the dorm, she went upstairs to call a vet and i stayed in the lobby with baby (couldn't take her upstairs). i got paper towels to wrap her in to try to keep her warm--she was shaking, in shock. and held and talked to her. i don't remember what i said, nonsense probably. the security guard was totally sympathetic and said how glad he was that we had found her... becca was gone for about twenty minutes. finally she came down and said none of the vets would see her without at least a 100 dollar deposit. we were dead poor. but the animal shelter would put her to sleep for free. oh, dear god. we were heart broken. we wanted to save her! then becca went on to say that none of the vets thought she'd make it... so after much talk and prayer we decided to put her to sleep. by this time i knew she had fleas... and i'd fallen in love with her. so we called the shelter again and arranged to meet someone there. all this to say that nene is my reminder of two beautiful kittens, two kittens i loved with all my heart. she is the perfect reminder of these two dear ones, because i absolutely adore her. and i know baby and cassie are waiting in heaven for me, so i can be with them forever.

thank you, god, for the time i had with all the cats i've had. thank you for entrusting me with them. help me be a better steward of the treasures you give to me.

embroidery

i like the red and green against each other, but it looks a bit christmas-y. hmm

just bought doodle stitching at barnes and noble. wonderful embroidery!

i embroider, and am envisioning embroidered pendants in my jewelry.... such lovely possibilities! something to dream on....

summer

i like this because it's rather in your face. yes, the nose is horrible, but the eyes! the chaotic shapes of color behind her! i felt like i took a big step with this one.

it's summer. 90+. i hate being hot. but i shouldn't complain 'cause it was -60 this past winter. so i should soak this heat in like an elixer for january. what makes it worse is the smoke. there's a huge 100,000 acres fire like 50 miles away from where i sit. my sister can't breathe and we've been keeping the girls inside. of course the windows are thrown open with fans in front of them, pulling in this poisoned air. because this is alaska and houses don't have ac. over half the shops don't, either. especially the ones i go to, the little ones snugged into historic downtown houses and buildings.

as a matter of fact, i spent two hours in one of those shops this morning with deborah, my 6 year old niece, making fairies. oh the joy! there is nothing like a small room full of young girls bent over their work, crafting perfectly enchanting fairies. i was the only adult taking the class, but the teacher, jennifer, couldn't have been more gracious. and i just happen to have some of my jewelry for sale in this little adorable shop. so she recognized me and my name as a fellow artist, so that was actually kind of cool. what a lovely morning! it couldn't have gone better, unless i'd taken my sister's digital and documented the whole thing. deborah was ready to go before i was, but my sister had thoughtfully packeged up some snacks and she found some delightful dragonflies for sale to play with--i bought one for each of my nieces (at three dollars a piece it would have been a crime not to). abigail, at three, was too young to take the class, but at deborah's insistence i made one for her, as well. such a little thing, but so thoughtful, on her part. i adore these girls, even though, at times, they try my patience. as all children do.

cartoons, anyone?

there is something strangely cartooney about this one. the eyes? the colors? not sure. the stupid blog is making my picture appear under the words, and it's very annoying. it started doing it like three or four posts ago and i don't like it. arrrrrr. the first thing i talk about is the picture and now that the picture is at the bottom of the post, it doesn't make sense. maybe i should save the comments till the last part of the post. rrrrrrr... not happy.

looking back

i love her eyes looking back. nose is bad. colors; yes! blue and orange. one of my favorite combos.

tilted

i like this purple and sagey green combo. love how it turned out. necks a little weird, but it's okay.

supposed to be two people in bed--their legs and one of their feet. didn't turn out so hot. oh, well. i guess i can't win them all.

i got sucked in by a mystery shopper scam last may; they sent me $4,ooo check. i was supposed to spend some of the money at a local store, report the experience and send the rest by money order to investigate that service. everybody in the house checked out the letter and said it sounded legit. cough, cough. i spent the money at the local store and went to send the money order, but when i got to the store, i realized i'd left the 3,500 at home. so i went home to get it and there was a message from my bank saying the check had bounced. thank you, god, i didn't have that money with me! so i contacted the mystery shopper company and they said they'd mail a cashier's check that day. waited two weeks. no check. called again. no answer. i called all that day, and by the end of that day, there was a message stating that number was no longer in service. ah, ha. so i called the fbi. i know. the fbi! my sister's husband told me to do it. and the guy was so nice! and understanding. yes, this was a scam. thank goodness you didn't send the money. it was a brand new scam, so it hadn't been reported yet. yay! i'm the first! uh, yeah. not so cool. anyway. i took the money and gave it to the bank. but the other five hundred was just gone. so.

now i owe the bank something like seven hundred from interest. and i can't get a checking account anywhere else without paying for this deficit. i feel so stupid! yes, it can happen to you.

my aunt

my dear aunt died this last week. aunt corine. i'm profoundly sad. the world feels a little lonelier without her loving me. but i know she's in a better place without pain. with two of her daughters. that has got to be wonderful. beyond words wonderful.

in lighter news, i'm going back to school in the fall. i got accepted back to my old university. my financial aid came through. yay! i'll be majoring in art, hopefully accepted into the bfa program. i have 141 credits and still about five classes left to go in my core curriculum. when i went to school before, i couldn't seem to make myself take those last few hated core classes. it's stuff like economy and anthropology and math. yucky. but i have to do them if i want a degree, and i think i want i bad enough now, nine years later, that i can do them. not sure what i want to do with the degree once i've got it, but degreed people get better jobs. so. maybe i'll try to teach art. art therapy. i don't know. right now it's just enough to be striving for it.

as far as the drawing is concerned, i'm not sure i like it. pink and turquoise are a classic combo but the drawing is just a little off. hmmm....

i did two sketches of this woman. her nose came out way too long. oh, the horror. i still like that sagey green with the red, though. nice contrasty colorage. ah, here she is with a crazy turned-up nose. hmmm. just couldn't get her quite right. and this woman is so striking. i'm disappointed i couldn't do her. at least her lips are right.

yesterday i did really well at farmer's market. yay! it's so gratifying to have people appreciate your work.

becca had a miscarriage two weeks ago. thankfully, she hadn't known she was pregnant. she was only a month along. but she really wants another baby. and i just don't know what it feels like to lose one. after the hysterectomy, thankfully, i'll never have to go through that. sometimes i wonder if i did the right thing. i just don't know. but, boy, do i like not having my period! yay for freedom!

mornings

i woke up this morning at four. it's a farmer's market day and i know i'm gonna fade around noon, but i don't want to go back to bed, 'cause i'll not want to get up when my alarm goes off, so here i am, checking out my list of blogs that i keep up with. artists and jewelers. i just love blogs.

since it's self-portrait day, i'm a little sad i posted my self-portrait yesterday. ah, well.

this is another self-portrait, done in pencil. kinda faint.

the thing about my drawing that i hate the most is that i make everybody prettier than they are. it's most noticable to me in my self-portraits 'cause i know i'm just not this pretty. grumble.

indigo

i'm really pleased with this one. it's kind of faint. sorry. but i love the negative spaces! and indigo is my favorite color.

we went to farmer's market yesterday to sell our jewelry (my sister and i make jewelry and sell at farmer's market and a couple shops in town). i did well! yay! it always feels good when people like your stuff. i sold more than becca, which was astonishing, cause she *always* does better than me. maybe i'll go buy a cd in celebration. love new music.

colors

another shoulder! love those things...

i'm not in love with this one, but i *do* love the colors. blue and orange! yay! i did this one with pastels instead of the usual crayons. i love the way you can move the color around with pastels. once a crayon mark is down, it's *down*. kind of nice to play with a more forgiving medium.

again, i do like shoulders. neck's too long but other than that i like it.

i'm thinking about going back to college. get a degree. so i've applied for student aid and admission. i'll know in a couple weeks if i'm accepted and whether or not i qualify for federal student aid. it really all depends if i get the financial aid. i'll study art, maybe get a BFA instead of a BA. kind of looking forward to it, so i'll be disappointed if i don't get the money.

i was playing with assymetry at this point in my drawing; eyes different sizes. i like how this one turned out, 'cause that's where you look first; those dark, irregular eyes.

it's deborah's birthday today. she's six! i'm so proud of her. looking forward to yummy cake and watching her open her presents.

becca and her little family are still talking about moving out, so i've been trying to come up with some positive benefits. 1)i'll be able to bead and craft whenever i want! 2)i'm going to move upstairs into my old room and make the basement my studio. 3)i'll have a real closet again! 4)i'll have a door! 5)mom can have the girl's room as a sewing room--maybe she'll be able to get to some of the projects she's been wanting to do. 6)no more temper tantrums from the girls.

the biggest detraction is missing the girls. i can see me going, "damn, i even miss those temper tantrums." but they're not going far, so we'll still have lots of visits. but no more late night beading sessions with becca. no more impromptue late night talks.

so even though there are several things to look forward to, i'm still bummed.

spring

spring is my favorite season. it feels so full of promise. i love watching the pussy willows unfurl and the flowers grow tall and proud. i need to get out in the dirt and dig the soil.

am working on cut-up t-shirts to sell. loving how each one turns out, it's own little personality. hope they sell so i can make more!

men

i don't draw men. i don't know why. i just don't. that being said, here's a guy. it just doesn't please me. it looks forced and awkward.

i like this one because of her pensive look. and the colors together draw you to her eyes.